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This fantastic 1920s-era home has all the subtle charm and panache of that simpler era - note how coyly it seems to peek out from behind the beautiful garden and fence, like a silent film actress or something.  But inside it has all the modern cutting-edge finishes - fully remodeled everything, central air, etc. - that you could ask for.  I didn't know whether to put in an offer or propose to it.  (Doesn't matter - either way, the answer would've been contemptuous laughter.)

If you like natural light - and who doesn't, aside from, like, hoarders - this is the house for you.  Everyplace claims to be "bright!" but this place actually is.  Extremely bright.  I was a little hungover the day I saw this place and when I walked into the family room, with its wall of windows, I felt like I was actually melting, vampire-style.  (I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.)

There's a beautiful parlor for all your parlorin', a huge living room, and a spacious family room with fireplace. From there you go through french doors out to the gold standard for all screened-in porches; the perfect place to sleep during the summer, or sit late at night and "think" (i.e. sneak a cigarette).

Out back is a flagstone patio and a standalone brick garage that's nicer than many actual houses.  There's also a vibrant perennial garden featuring all sorts of flowers and shrubbery, etc.  I'm not really into gardening so I didn't really know what a "perennial" garden was, so I asked a couple who was standing nearby.  The husband explained it was a garden that grew back every spring by itself, without any planting required.  The wife nodded and then said, "what it really means is that you don't have to do any work."  We all nodded in silent agreement:  this was the best kind of garden.

1410 Manchester Lane NW
5 Bedrooms, 4 Baths
$875,000

Washington D.C. real estate news

Your Next Place

One thing I've learned is that when you go to apartment buildings, the foyer is always far far nicer than the apartments.  You'll be in a huge marble atrium with a roaring, gold-trimmed fireplace, walking on a red velvet Oscar-night-style carpet, thinking you're about to enter the lap of luxury, but then the place will be a broom closet with a kitchenette.  But this place - this is the first I've been to that was nicer - way nicer - than the lobby.  And bigger.  If you lived here, your neighbors would constantly be bugging you to let them come over and watch the big game, or sunbathe on your terrace, etc.  I'd suggest investing in a taser.

I mean, there's not really a lot I can add to the photographs.  This is like a place George Clooney would live.  Limestone flooring, plaster moldings, a silver leaf painted rotunda ceiling (!), a Vegas presidential-suite-quality master bedroom, with an en suite bathroom the size of a helicopter landing pad.  All this place is missing is a huge veranda with an ivy-covered stone arch overlooking the Potomac.  OH WAIT IT HAS THAT TOO.

When most places say they overlook the water, it means yes, you can see the water, if you squint and stand on your tiptoes and look between those two trees over there.  But you could actually jump from this veranda into the Potomac, if you wanted to.  Not that you'd want to, though on the other hand if you were, say, sitting out there playing Scrabble and losing really badly to your sister's boyfriend, and he started smirking as you spelled out "cat," then why not just heave the whole board into the river?  When I did this, we didn't have a water view, so it just landed in the yard and I had to go downstairs and retrieve it while my family watched from above in disappointment.  Really could've used a water view that day.

3030 K Street NW
Penthouse 106
2 Bedrooms, 4.5 Baths
$6,500,000

Washington D.C. real estate news

Your Next Place

I realized, as I walked through this house, that they do actually still build castles, they just don't call them castles anymore.  In this case, they call it a "four level turreted Victorian," but as you and I can both see, it's basically a modern-day castle.  All it needs is a catapult and a moat and we could just dispense with the euphemisms.

Of course, as befitting a castle, this Petworth grand dame is massive, with four or five bedrooms spread over four levels. There's a beautiful wraparound front porch overlooking a very large yard in front, and there's even a white picket fence.  (Sounds cheesy, but I'll take it over the DC standard wrought-iron fence any day.)  Inside, it's big and bright and it goes on and on; here's a big, bright den, and here's a big, bright living room, and here's the big, bright kitchen, and the big, bright dining room, etc.  It seems to go on forever.  It's like your coworker's anecdotes about his weekend, only not, you know, terrible.

There's also a separate one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, to help defray your mortgage payments (or just the pay the entire payment, depending on how gullible of a tenant you can find).  And it's in Petworth, which, random claw hammer attacks notwithstanding, is maybe my new favorite neighborhood.  (I know that sounded sarcastic, but honest, it wasn't!)

4309 Kansas Avenue NW
Washington, D.C.
5 Bedrooms, 2 Baths
$649,000

Washington D.C. real estate news